Hazel's Jokes!

When is perpetual check a good thing?
Answer: When T.A.s are grading midterms!
*cross fingers*

(for all of you who thought to yourself "A perpetual check is good when you're losing or need a draw", I think you forgot to read the title of this post!)

The lovely image above, and more jokes, can be found on ChessBase:

http://www.chessbase.com/newsdetail.asp?newsid=4168

Would you rather?

To be updated...slow computer...won't let me copy and paste the questions I made earlier :(

In the meanwhile, I'll post some new questions:

1. Would you rather attend an expensive chess event with a fancy dinner banquet or attend a similar, yet less expensive event with sub sandwiches?
2. Would you rather attend a neighbourhood chess event which requires you to bike at least a couple times (yes, there are 'green' options!) or an out-of-town chess event which gives you an excuse to use the family car?
3. Would you rather have a chess-themed holiday in January or July?
4. Would you rather dress up (for Halloween) as Count Chessula or Spongebob Chesspants?
5. Would you rather have checkered black and white hair or checkered black and white teeth?
6. Would you rather live somewhere in Europe for a year, primarily to play chess, or live somewhere in Asia for a year, for the same reason?
7. Would you rather record all your chess games in red or purple ink?
8. Would you rather play chess with your left eye covered or your right eye covered?
9. Would you rather play blitz without one of your minor pieces (your opponent gets to use all pieces = material advantage) or play blitz upside down?
10. Would you rather play Hula Chess with Jennifer Shahade or Fischer Random Chess with Peter Leko?

Jokes from my statistics class (credit to Dr. Shi, wording modified a bit):

Hilarious...

"I have a car with a bumper sticker, 'Baby on Board'. It is actually a threat. It should tell other drivers I have a screaming baby, a nagging wife, and I'm not afraid to die anymore!"

Answer the following in 30 seconds max:

A murderer is condemned to death. He is given a choice of four rooms. Which one would you choose?

(a) A room full of raging fires.
(b) A room full of assassins, who are equipped with guns.
(c) A room full of lions that haven't eaten in 2 months.
(d) A room full of statisticians, who will make you do exercises and bore you to death.

Next, answer the following for the choice you made:

Why did you choose (a)?
Why did you choose (b)?
Why did you choose (c)?
Why did you choose (d)?

The best choice:

(c) If the lions haven't eaten in 2 months, they are already dead!

Hazel's Jokes!

How do you beat a golf player at chess?
Answer: Don't create any holes.

More funny images:
http://www.hereinreality.com/golf/funny_golf_pics/index.html

Chess and Football

"NFL Chess Collector's Edition" http://www.boardwalkgamesinc.com/sports.htm

RECENT ARTICLE!!!

ALABAMA FOOTBALL IS LIKE CHESS...

"Alabama Football is like chess - there is no move made that is not well planned and practiced."

See the full article:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/473976-alabama-football-is-like-chess

Would You Rather?

As always, my answers at the end of the week (next week):

1. Would you rather play without your e-pawn or without your d-pawn?
2. Would you rather travel to the Olympiad (in Russia) for a meal with the Canadian team or to Victoria, B.C. for a meal in the Grand Pacific hotel + a visit to Chess in the Library?
3. Would you rather play a tournament in an uncomfortably warm room or an uncomfortably cold room?
4. Would you rather be responsible for tournament equipment (including set-up) or tournament pairings?
5. Would you rather -- at this moment -- completely change your white opening or completely change your black opening?
6. Would you rather play a chess game underwater or in space?
7. Would you rather combine chess with boxing or soccer?
8. Would you rather ask the neighbour in the house/apartment to your left for a game of chess, or ask the one in the house/apartment to your right? If you don't have a neighbour to both your left and right, choose either someone who lives on the same street as you, or one who lives on a nearby street!
9. Would you rather rock climb with GM Nakamura or skydive with GM Carlsen?
10. Would you rather have a stranger yell out "Hey! Aren't you a chess player?" from the other side of a Costco store or from across the hall in your workplace/school?

Feel free to leave comments (if you're brave enough)!

A Diamond is Forever...if you can afford it!

Now how many chess tournaments would I have to win?

Bernard Maquin's beautiful set, made of white gold and diamonds, costs half a million dollars. A close-up of the knight:

http://www.thechessworld.com/blog1/36-most-expensive-chess-sets-charles-hollander-collection-the-royal-diamond-chess

Best Dressed?

Halloween's not far away...will you be best dressed?

"Well, we tried."

http://www.racheshop.de/index.php?cPath=1359_1385&page=6&language=en

Celebrity-inspired!

http://www.2dayfm.com.au/entertainment/music/galleries/pink-crazy-stage-outfits?selectedImage=8

Classy!

http://www.tomsawyerwaistcoats.co.uk/store/showitemTS214.aspx

But you can't beat this!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/upicks/tag/humour/