Hazel's Jokes!

How do you beat a golf player at chess?
Answer: Don't create any holes.

More funny images:
http://www.hereinreality.com/golf/funny_golf_pics/index.html

Chess and Football

"NFL Chess Collector's Edition" http://www.boardwalkgamesinc.com/sports.htm

RECENT ARTICLE!!!

ALABAMA FOOTBALL IS LIKE CHESS...

"Alabama Football is like chess - there is no move made that is not well planned and practiced."

See the full article:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/473976-alabama-football-is-like-chess

Would You Rather?

As always, my answers at the end of the week (next week):

1. Would you rather play without your e-pawn or without your d-pawn?
2. Would you rather travel to the Olympiad (in Russia) for a meal with the Canadian team or to Victoria, B.C. for a meal in the Grand Pacific hotel + a visit to Chess in the Library?
3. Would you rather play a tournament in an uncomfortably warm room or an uncomfortably cold room?
4. Would you rather be responsible for tournament equipment (including set-up) or tournament pairings?
5. Would you rather -- at this moment -- completely change your white opening or completely change your black opening?
6. Would you rather play a chess game underwater or in space?
7. Would you rather combine chess with boxing or soccer?
8. Would you rather ask the neighbour in the house/apartment to your left for a game of chess, or ask the one in the house/apartment to your right? If you don't have a neighbour to both your left and right, choose either someone who lives on the same street as you, or one who lives on a nearby street!
9. Would you rather rock climb with GM Nakamura or skydive with GM Carlsen?
10. Would you rather have a stranger yell out "Hey! Aren't you a chess player?" from the other side of a Costco store or from across the hall in your workplace/school?

Feel free to leave comments (if you're brave enough)!

A Diamond is Forever...if you can afford it!

Now how many chess tournaments would I have to win?

Bernard Maquin's beautiful set, made of white gold and diamonds, costs half a million dollars. A close-up of the knight:

http://www.thechessworld.com/blog1/36-most-expensive-chess-sets-charles-hollander-collection-the-royal-diamond-chess

Best Dressed?

Halloween's not far away...will you be best dressed?

"Well, we tried."

http://www.racheshop.de/index.php?cPath=1359_1385&page=6&language=en

Celebrity-inspired!

http://www.2dayfm.com.au/entertainment/music/galleries/pink-crazy-stage-outfits?selectedImage=8

Classy!

http://www.tomsawyerwaistcoats.co.uk/store/showitemTS214.aspx

But you can't beat this!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/upicks/tag/humour/

Brain Teaser!

There are two people playing a game - a close match, indeed. As the game goes down to the wire, one player gives up his queen. Not long after, the game is declared over, and the player without a queen is championed the winner. However, he did not achieve a checkmate, and his opponent did not resign or lose on time. How is this possible?

Answer:

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
V

They are not playing chess at all!
The two people are enjoying a classic game of "Old Maid".

Medical Jokes

I know this is a chess blog, but due to my recent appointments, I just had to look up some medical jokes!

Here's one:

Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'

This joke and more at http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_doctor.htm#Five_of_the_Best_Short_Medical_Jokes

In particular, reading some of the one-liners reminded me of my surgery, in which my doctor said:
1) "It broke" (after inserting one of the needles) - I still don't know exactly he meant
2) "Get me more elastoplast" (to one of the assistants during the surgery)
* note: this was the good doctor, who was very helpful overall

Hope everyone else is doing okay!

Additional Link
--> I've also been following Mark's blog, which is a nice read: http://markbluvshtein.wordpress.com/